Date Unknown - 1951
The Carved Cow
44 1/2 St. George St.
St. Augustine, Florida
I probably won't do any better today than I did last night.
I'll try however.
You have the preponderance of right on your side. I do not
question that. I feel that I
have some things on my side.
From the time you left me I blew completely to Hell. The things
I did you knew I'd do
when I was without your controlling influence.
I was not retired from the Service primarily for diabetes. I was
retired because I was of
no further use to the Service. Your letters to the hospital
(which I resented) didn't
tell the story. I have always in these latter years been
protected by that fine old
business of "...he's an old soldier, cover him..."
There is a certain amount of brilliance but damned little basic
intelligence. The things
I do I don't want to do. I only find it impossible to do any
If you'll try to go along with me again there is a definite two
hundred and twenty a month. You handle it. I don't think you're
too good at it but you are much better than myself. You want
surety and secureness? There it is. What I need beyond the
basic needs of food, lodging and tobacco I'll manage on the other
hand. I'm sick -- you've got to remember that I'm sick but as
long as I'm above it will come in. I wish you'd have used your
head enough to know that when I wanted the number of my insurance
policy it wasn't for me. Damn it! You resent too much without
thinking. I need it to cover TenEyck's future education.
I'm sorry Dear, I have too many memories and all of them
beautiful. I remember the touch
and the feel of you. I remember the passion you had for cokes
and mysteries and the look
of you coming down the street to meet me. I remember so much. I
wish to God I could
forget it. You are the only woman I have ever loved -- there
have been others, yes, but
you are the only one who has been of any importance to me.
God Almighty Jean! Can't you find any kindliness in your heart
for me? I need you. We had
twelve years together. I'm a sick broken man and I need help.
Your help. The economics
can take care of if we're together - I've drawn them from
service. You handle them.
Hells Bells, Child! There is what you are talking about. Oh
Dearest, let's have our
home and our books and our quietness and the laughter over small
things. Let's go back
and do all that we had planned.
Love me again, Jean, before I give up all that has been.