A critic is a cripple who cannot walk and
hurls his crutches at those who pass him on the road.

It is easy to convince the world that you have sense
if you have enough dollars.

If you keep your mouth shut you gain two ends -
microbes can't get in nor foolish statements out.

A great man can make any business greater,
but it takes more than a small oyster to flavor a big stew.

Failure is the result of a fatal fancy for ignoring fixed conditions.

A good time is the privilege of Youth
and paying for it is the obligation of Maturity.

Learning anything isn't so hard.
It's the unlearning that takes the hide off.

A preferred creditor is one who tells you
to take your time about settling his bill.

What's hit is History and what's missed is Mystery
maybe you don't know so much about it after all.

Happy is the man who has more money than brains
for he never has brains enough to know it.

Dignity is a queer thing;
many a man who tries to stand on it
ends by putting his foot in it.

It is a funny thing about Cold Cash
that it will so often burn a hole in a man's pocket.

Grasp an Opportunity - but know what to do with it after you've got it.

When there are so many mistakes to be made
what excuse has a man for making the same mistake twice?

What's the use of kicking in the gate
if you know where the board is off the fence?

Tainted money is the money we can't get our hands on.
Whatever we can manage to secure is the result of honest toil.

If you are billed to arrive, bumping the bumpers will be a bagatelle.

The man who has money may be happy,
but the man who is had by money is always miserable.

Though Hell may be paved with Good intentions
there are some men who will not be represented by a single brick.

You can't squeeze a big salary out of a little ability.

Time may be money but it is possible to give your creditors more than they want of it.

Praying was never intended as a scheme

for making peaches grow on pumpkin vines.

There is but one knocker whose work is valuable
and whose knock is welcome - Opportunity.

Courage is a fine thing, but take my advice.
Don't hit a man when he's got you down.


Could you keep yourself out of the morgue
if the dead ones were all corralled?

Men who pay tomorrow always die today.

When you have anything to say to a Mule
it is the part of wisdom to say it to his face.

I now understand why many geniuses
write for recreation and plow for a living.

Many a man prays for dimes
while he might be earning dollars.

A man may be as good as his word and still be no good.

To look on all sides of a question
it is not necessary to be on all sides.
It is better to make a mistake
than never to possess a conviction.

He who hopes for tomorrow
has no time to worry over yesterday.

Many are dunned but few cough up.

A wise man is only wise until he begins boasting of how wise he is
after that he is otherwise.

The influence of your life
is measured by the affluence of your heart.

The cock crows in vain to the ducks.
They do not understand him.

Many a man gets a soft answer
because he is known to be a hard hitter.

It may be true that Wealth doesn't bring Happiness,
but we believe it would be pleasant to try the experiment.

Fate evens up. The dog that has no tail to wag
can afford to laugh at tin cans.

Many people believe that they are self sacrificing when in reality
they are giving something they don't want.

A man wastes time if he gives all of it to watching his enemies.

Don't burn your bridges behind you.
They might come in handy in case of a retreat.

It takes more than whiskers to make a good goat
and age is not always a sign of wisdom.

The worst troubles we have
are those we deliberately search for.

Some people are like electric buttons
they never accomplish anything
unless they are pushed to the wall.

Envying your neighbor's cake
only spoils the taste of your own cookies.

No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of it for another.

It isn't worth while to kick a man when he's down
it is much less trouble to jump on him.

The bad habit we haven't got
is just the one we could easily conquer if we happened to have it.

The cock crows but the hen lays the egg.
Do you buy eggs or noise?

Happiness does not lie in possessions
but in the doing of that for which we are adapted.

A good winner is sometimes harder to find than a good loser.

Necessity may be the Mother of invention,
but the children don't always turn out well.

A soft answer seldom makes an impression on a cold, hard fact.

We never know what we are capable of doing until we try,
and then we are frequently sorry that we ever found out.

If you feel blue over your ice bill
look at your coal bill and rejoice.

The men who has never been ashamed of himself,
has mighty little to be proud of.

For each gossiping tongue there are two gossipy ears.

It's a bankrupt soul that can't find something
to be thankful for, no matter what Fate brings.

Cold feet often get in hot water
and Caution loses more than courage.

You can't run a forty-horse power auto very far on a five-horse power income.

When you are convicting sin,
you may be only telling what things you dislike to do.

Some men never succeed
because they fear they'll do more than their share.

Reputation is what people think you are
but character is what you are.

Making the acquaintance of a fool
is assuming a great responsibility.

No man can serve two such masters
as Dyspepsin and Optimism.

Every failure is a lesson learned,
and every lesson learned is one more step toward Success.

There is a place for all of us
but mighty few of us are in our places.

It's a comfort that no one can make a mistake without learning something.

When a man begins boasting of what he is going to do tomorrow,
ask him what he did yesterday.

Believe in others
if you would have others believe in you,
for faith begets faith.

It is not enough to know how to work - a man must also know how to rest.

Leisure has become an unknown art.
If you are not premature you will be anticipated.

Experience illumines the trodden path
but throws no light as guide.

Some men spend so much of their time preaching
that when it comes to living they seem to be all out of practice.

Nothing is what babies cry for
and all mankind grieves over.

What profit is there for you in the dividend
that Mother Nature declares June first?

There's a lot of difference between the works of friendship
and working your friends.

A little learning makes a man
dangerous company for himself.

The laughter of a happy child on Christmas morning
is the sweetest carol that reaches the ear of God.

He who laughs last may laugh best, but he who pays best pays first.

GRAPE AND CANISTER I. Once upon a time a big Opportunity came to Town. It meant so much to the People, and was such a good investment that the Big Men were afraid of it. The only legitimate way of making 30 per cent that they had ever tried was to foreclose mortgages on widows and they shied at the Proposition and registered from Missouri. They were sure it was a Bunco Scheme and too Good to be True, so they applied LePage's glue to the nickles in their pants pockets and looked Regretful. Moral - A dollar earned is as big as a dollar stolen. II. Once upon a time there was a Newspaper with a Conscience. It was always on the outlook for Depravity and was very much shocked to see so much lying around Loose. It decided to Reform the World, and it showed the people just what they ought to do and just what they ought to stop doing, and was very Noble and Excited. But the Ministers argued indignantly with the Editor that they had attended to their Business quite successfully heretofore, and the Merchants refused to advertise and insisted that he was hurting the Town, and the Mothers complained that the Paper wasn't fit for the young to read, and the Saloon keepers rolled up their sleeves in the Office and made Threats. So the Good, Little Newspaper wrote sadly of the Fall of the roman Empire and the condition of the Russian Nation, and just published the News. Moral - Always spit on your finger when you touch a hot iron. III. Once upon a time there was a Girl who worked in a Store. She attended to her own business and helped her Mother with the Mending in the evenings. But She was Pretty. The Women shook their heads and looked Sour. The girls whispered horrid Things. The Old Men looked at each other and winked and the Boys were in Doubt. Moral - These bees sting only the best fruit. IV. Once upon a time there was a man who made lots of money selling Gold Bricks. They were very handsome and had a plating on them of Real gold and the poor people bought them and were pleased. So when a newspaper pointed out to the people that the inside of the bricks was only lead, the man was sorely aggrieved and swore mighty vengeance, for the outside of the brick was Pure Gold and he was an injured man. Moral - If the people like stones, why give them bread? V. Once upon a time a crowd of laborers worked to remove a great Rock from the center of the roadway. All through the day they toiled and sweat and suffered. At even, as if with a great creak and strain of the cables the huge obstruction moved, lo, an on-looker, cool and unruffled, cried with triumphant voice - "Behold what we have accomplished!" Moral - The rooster crows, but the hen lays the egg. VI. Once upon a time there was a merchant in a small town who decided to run for office. He knew the town and his party needed him and he was surprised and grieved to find certain people too stupid to realize it. But his party paper supported him and reminded everyone of his good record and fought his enemies and laughed at his critics and published his virtue and pushed his cause until he won. Week after week the paper used valuable space, unbuyable editorial position and priceless editorial brains, and the merchant put in an ad at three fifty a month and was proud with the pride of a just man who pays his debts. Moral - Swipe a nickle from a dumb beggar, but not from a deaf. VII. Once upon a time there was a man who cared more for dogs than he did for people. He was deaf to the muffled cry for help. He was blind to the feeble flickering of the divine influence in every eye that met his own. He was hungry for sincerity, faith, loyalty and devotion and he would not see that every heart was smouldering with the same hunger, and every soul was beating in impotent desire against the finite and the infinite. He walked alone with his dogs and sold his birthright for a mess of potage. Moral - What we give is what we get. VIII. Once upon a time there was a little boy went to play with some other little children, and because they critized his manner of playing he became very angry. For a while he sulked in a corner of the playground, but when they didn't pay attention to him he wrote them a letter and told them to take their dolls and go home, because he wouldn't play with them any more. Now the childred laughed because it was't his playground, nor were the dolls his. Moral - be on the safe side before you get dignified. IX. Once upon a time there was a merchant who wanted some printing done and he was pained at the price the newspapers asked him for the work, and he sent it to the city and got it done for a whole ten cents less. But when he found that they, too, sent to the city and bought sugar and coffee and saved their ten cents, he was sore aggrieved and very wroth, and he cried: "Lo! I have been a merchant in their midst these many years, and my welfare is the welfare of the community, yet do they send their sheckels far afield. The ingratitude of the Public is a sore affliction. Moral - It is not the tight shoe of my neighbor that pinches my corn. X. Once upon a time there was a rich man and he had many friends - and because he believed in friendship he gave to all that asked of him and his heart grew warm in the sunshine. But as wealth has a limit and friendship has none, he soon was no longer rich. Today he passes shivering in the wind, and the Curious ask "who is the old man?" and the Careless answer "we do not know." Moral - When the sugar bowl's empty, the flies are all gone. XI. The frog that tried to be a bull came to a sad end. He puffed and he puffed and filled himself full of air, but he never became anything but a frog. Even so there was once a man who held his chest very forward and his head very backward and scorned the little pool full of every day frogs about him. And the sound of his passing was but a breath of wind. Moral - Association with greatness does not necessitate greatness. XII. Once upon a time there was a rich man who was prominent in the Church and he asked for money to support the Church. But he lamented his inability and explained that the Sunday school required all his available funds. Now, before long, the sunday School needed assistance and the well-todo Churchman regretfully stated that the needs of the church had been so great he was unable to assist the Sunday School. It is well to remember that the world is a phonograph which repeats to us the records that we write in wax. Moral - What costs nothing is worth nothing. XIII. Once upon a time there was a man with an Ambition. It was a very serious one and his friends urged him to have it removed by a surgical operation, but he was proud and very Hopeful. At first the people were afraid of him and his big ambition, but by and by they found he was like a balloon, a very great amount of gas and a very little man attached to it, and they were not afraid any more. but the man soared high in the wind and believed he was an Eagle. Moral - The prick of a pin can cause disaster.

Catharine Olivia Gibson Burnett
Mercur Bell Van Deusen
(02 May 1872-20 Mar 1934)